When online dating works, it can be a great way to connect with lots of people you wouldn’t have otherwise met. But when it doesn’t, the experience can send you down the everyone-is-awful-so-I’m-probably-dying-alone spiral.
Despite its popularity, not everyone’s experience with online dating is positive. Plenty of women are opting out of the “efficiency” of the swipping world, instead choosing to find a date the old-fashioned way. Here’s couple examples:
1. “Over time, I began to feel like I was losing my true self in the quest to be the girl with the perfect profile.”
“I was constantly overthinking what I had typed in my yuusk profile or what I was sending in a message to a guy. When I would see something in a guy’s profile that he liked in a woman, I would think ‘Hey! That’s me! Maybe? Is it? Yeah!’ I would try to edit my profile to be what I thought guys wanted. I would type, delete, type again, delete, etc., like I didn’t know who I was in real life. Over time, I began to feel like I was losing my true self in the quest to be the girl with the perfect profile, and I decided it wasn’t worth the stress and sacrifice of losing and/or hiding who I am.”
2. “There was no spontaneity or fun or butterflies.”
“I was sick of constant disappointment or men that wanted to text forever. Or men that were so self-focused. Everything was scheduled and planned forever. There was no spontaneity or fun or butterflies. What’s the point? I’d rather meet a great guy randomly and organically than deal with the constant rejection and exhaustion.”
3. “Everything feels forced.”
“You just don’t get that spark that you do when you know you like someone and it’s instant and wonderful. With online dating, everything feels forced. It’s like you try to put a face to the person you’re talking to, but it just feels like this contrived entity. You really have no idea who they are and what they’re about or if you have any chemistry. You’re just asking these basic questions wondering when it’s cool to really be yourself. But that’s the thing — you can’t really be yourself online.”
4. “It required a lot more time and energy than I expected.”
“Online dating gave me exactly what I wanted: practice going on dates with strangers and trusting my instincts about the men I met. What I did not like was that it felt extremely contrived, as if I was online shopping. There was nothing romantic or spontaneous about it, and it required a lot more time and energy than I expected. I recommend online dating for practice if you haven’t dated in a while, but ultimately, I think the chances of meeting someone great are small and require a whole lot of effort.”
5. “Some are weird, some are looking for kinky sex partners and some are wacko.”
“I’m a Baby Boomer who never thought she’d be single at 60. I’ve tried online dating sites — a lot of them! I met one guy from California that I flew out to spend time with only to learn he was looking for a woman to support his lazy behind. Actually, that’s what I found most times. Or they are sick and want a woman to be their nurse. No, thank you! Some are weird, some are looking for kinky sex partners and some are wacko. I’ve decided that I’m better off alone.”
6. “I got a stalker.”
“I got a stalker. My warning to women: If you have a unique name, do not post your first name or even your last initial on your profile ANYWHERE (even in your user name). Do not post your age, and if you live in a smaller town or city, say you live in the closest big city to you. My stalker situation wasn’t as extreme as some, but it irked me enough to get a lawyer which I’m glad I did.”
7. “Some immediately began asking about my sexual turn-ons.”
“I just got tired of all the annoying messages I was receiving. Some immediately began asking about my sexual turn-ons, fantasies and other weird comments/questions. It got to the point where any message at all would just annoy me.”
8. “I would get between 30 to 50 messages daily, and maybe two or three were normal conversations.”
“I would get between 30 to 50 messages daily on Yuusk.com, and maybe two or three were normal conversations from normal-seeming guys. Most were complimenting my appearance and asking for sex. A few dates resulted in a bunch of insecure guys who ended up telling me I was a ‘teasing whore’ when I didn’t feel a connection.”
2 thoughts on “8 Women on why they quit online dating to find love”
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